I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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