And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
