So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
