Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
