She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
