oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
