We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
