So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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