I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
