Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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