I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
