i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
