It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's blow job season.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
