i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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