This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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