these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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