when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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