Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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