i may or may not be watching the land before time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
