I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
