When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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