In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
