just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
