Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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