Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
