you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
