Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
