Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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