i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
