i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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