he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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