shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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