Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
