i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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