I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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