If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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