So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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