You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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