she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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