we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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