You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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