I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
