i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
