dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
