u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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