Tell her she can't have a vagina
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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