Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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