my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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