Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
