Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
