I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
