you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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