when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
