he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
