I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
