there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
