Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
