I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
