gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
