I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All the doctor said was why
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
