I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
