people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
