Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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