you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
