omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
