She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize