one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
