Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
