When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
