I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
