Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
