Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
