I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
