Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
