yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
