fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I could make wine with my vomit
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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