you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
