Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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