The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im holly from the hills drunk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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