she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was born a porn star she said
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
