I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
